Tuesday, December 28, 2010


There's a season, a time, for everything under the sun...
God alone knows when the seasons, the times, are right.
And so I wait.
Because I know He makes all things beautiful, in His time- if we allow Him to.

Not always sure what all I am waiting for, but tonight I am certain of a few things:
That my God is good.
That He has my best interest, and the interests of His Kingdom in mind. Always.
That I do not know what's best.
That I do not deserve what's best.
That He delights in me.
That I fall short of His Glory too often.
That He paid for my shortcomings, my transgressions in full.
That He wants to give me victory over sin even more than I want it.
That He can be trusted.

That no matter how long I have to wait for all that I am waiting for, He has waited infinitely longer than I have ever waited. He's waited for us-for me- to surrender to Him each and every day.
He's waited for a people to reflect His Character so that He can end our hearts' waitings.

He's waited for a people to take Him at his Word. It is sure and steadfast.
And so I bend low and lay my head at His feet, and find my fears pass away with my hearts' burdens.
I surrender.

Hope. It's waitings' companion, it's twin.
Faith, it holds the twins up.
Love, it is what my faith, hope, and waiting rest on.

Psalm 27:14
Psalm 38:15
Psalm 130:5
Micah 7:7
Isaiah 65:24

Monday, December 6, 2010

Rude and Forbidding

"The King of glory stooped low to take humanity. Rude and forbidding were His earthly surroundings. His glory was veiled, that the majesty of His outward form might not become an object of attraction. He shunned all outward display. Riches, worldly honor, and human greatness can never save a soul from death."
 The Desire of Ages, pg 43
After my fair share of what sure seemed at the moment to be  rude and forbidding situations, this quote lifted my spirits. I realize I have experienced next to no rudeness in my life, compared to Jesus...
It breaks my heart, seeing individuals being treated unfairly and unjustly, especially when a loved one is passing, or they themselves are.

I left a certain place today feeling the burden of rudeness and unjustness towards me and other folks oppresive, and almost inferior or somehow guilty because of it. But this quote helped me realize that there is diginity even in that. Jesus truly stooped low to allow His name and character, His very Person, to be so unjustly treated and ill spoken of, all for the sake of those very people who were tearing His heart apart-- He brought honor to even the lowliest of circumstances.
After reading the above quote, I don't feel half as bad about the difficult and oppressive circumstances from today. I feel privilged to have been allowed to experience a tiny fraction of the pain Jesus must have felt when He Himself was unfairly and unjustly treated, and most of all, I never want to forget the intense heartache I experienced when I saw the helpless ones, the weak ones, ill spoken of, mocked, and maybe worst of all, neglected.
Lord help me to never ever, ever allow any cruel or unkind feelings back into my heart... I know they every once in a while find  an abode in it, but after feeling that dark slimy worm of coldness, disdain and cruelty from someones elses actions towards me and others  slither into the pit of my stomach, and nearly suffocate my heart with its hostility and hardness, I am determined. No hardness, no dark slimy worm of evil will find its way into my heart, with Gods help.
And only with His help. On my own, I know too well that I am just as cold and hard-hearted as that dark, slimy worm.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

My Little Kitty

It's funny how much a scrawny little kitty can teach me about myself, God, and our relationship with each other, along with various other odds and ends...
I still havent thought of a good name for this kitten who from the moment I saw her stole my heart, and who daily since has been opening my eyes to love, letting go, trusting, and hoping when it seems, well--hopeless.

She has blue eyes, and is a heavenly tan/greyish color, with black legs and partly black face... she is a siamese, and when I say she, I am assuming... But either way, she is beautiful.
I don't know from day to day if I will see her at our little meeting place, but so far, each day, I have found her.
I don't know if I will be able to provide a better life for her once I finish school...  I don't know if she'll let me take her away if I could. I don't know if she will ever fully trust me.
Pretty much everything but my love for her is uncertain... But, surprisingly, for now atleast, that is enough.
The uncertain part of things I leave up to God, and yes, I constantly remind Him of them, but I trust Him to work that part out, and focus on doing what I can do, and that is love her, and thus far, provide food and some physical touch.
The first time I brought her food, she was more terrified of humans than any other cat I have ever come across. She bolted if she even saw me, until she smelled the food, and then approached it only after I backed away a good 10 feet, even though she was trembling with anticipation and hunger... Even after I backed away, she didn't eat, she just watched me, while sniffing the food. Not until I walked away did she eat.

Each day has seen a slight improvement... The transformation I have been able to be a part of has been so amazing. It has taught me so much about my relationship with Jesus, and how patient He is. I am still barely starting to process it all, especially since 7 hour classes, and a host of other exhausting school related activities drain me of nearly all brain power.
Tonight I had a minute, since all the NCLEX prep question CD's that have to get done are currently in use.
So I knew I had to write here, and remember a moment in time.  A moment of peace and hope in the midst of hectic schedules and endless responsibilities. I want to remember this moment, because I don't have very many left in school.
in 14 days, God willing, I graduate.
And speaking of my as of yet unnamed Kitty, I must go feed her!
Attempting to trust, SMS