Country. I love the country. But for over 4 years, I have not lived in the country. And each day, every day, is a struggle. Sometimes a conscious struggle, others times a subconscious one.
Each and every day, I long for the country. The space, the freedom, the privacy, peace, calm, that only the country gives.
I'm trying to find the balance between loving the country, missing the country, and yet being content where Jesus has me for the time being.
It is hard to be happy in the city for me. A few hours in a big city like Atlanta or Washington D.C is pure agony. But there has to be a balance, and I want to find it. I want to make the most of my time of this citified life( I know, four years in I'm saying this), instead of constantly pining and comparing my life now to how it could be if I was in the country.
If I can learn to be content here, then maybe I can be content just about anywhere.
I can't change my circumstances I realize. I've spent four years fighting against that truth. So the only thing I can change.I will change my attitude.
I will make the most of my time here. I will not complain. I will foster a spirit of gratitude. I have it so much better than many others-- most people wouldn't call where I will the city at all. I could live in the slums of some actual city, or I could not have any place to call home. I could be a beggar on some dirty street, not knowing if I would have something to eat that day.
I don't know if living in the city will ever get any easier for me, but I intend to do my part to be content.
And with God, I know I will be fine. More than fine. John 10:10
Country living is still what I want, but I will wait patiently for God's timing.